Examining A Sometimes Over-examined Life

Not retreating is hard.  Stopping yourself from falling back into the safety of old habits is one of the things you have to work at everyday if you want to move your life forward.  Sometimes life makes it easy for you to do that.  You work a schedule every day that is eerily similar to the same schedule you worked on the same day a year ago.  In one way that pattern makes it easy to live your life, but in another way it makes it easy for your life to anesthetize you.

The best coaches (and leaders) figure out a way to break these patterns to keep their players (or workers) fresh and interested.  They do things to make practices stimulating and keep their charges a little uncomfortable.  They know when to change up the daily monotony and shift roles and assignments.  Doing so not only keeps them from being bored, it also makes them constantly pay attention and make sure they know what is going on and what they need to do to get better.

Everyone likes to feel comfortable.  That is the state we all most covet in our lives.  It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, you always seek comfort.  It is in those days when everything seems the most fucked up and ridiculous that you most want to fall into the thing that makes you the most comfortable just so your mind can take a break.  You just want to find that place where it all goes away for at least a few minutes and you can just be a happy little lump somewhere.

The thing you can’t tell people, the thing they must learn on their own, is that those moments when you want it all to go away the most might be the moments when you need to step out of that comfort zone the most.  It is those times when you define yourself.

Everyday can be a struggle to not just go through the motions and do the same thing you did the day before which is the same thing you did a month before which is the same thing you did a year before.  It is easy.  It is safe.  It is comfortable.  Even when you know it is the wrong way to act, you do it anyway, because sometimes you don’t want to think.  You just want that comfort and that safety.

How do you keep that from happening daily?  I don’t know.  Be conscious maybe.  Being conscious most importantly means being conscious that you are making a decision.  Then you ensure that you understand why you are making that decision.  It seems like such a simple act, thinking about what you are doing.  However, again, sometimes we desire the comfort of not thinking and simply doing what makes us feel the best.

These thoughts creep in when you know you are the end of something.  You don’t know when it will end, how it will, and you certainly don’t know what is next, but you know the end is a lot closer than the beginning.  You really start thinking about how are you going to get out, what legacy are you going to leave, and most importantly what do I want next.

Sometimes I think and unexamined life is a happier life.  Then I think, is it a life worth living.

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